Friendship and Membership

Friendship and Membership
The paradox every member should know By Dr. Ivan Misner, Founder & Chairman, BNI

One of the strengths of BNI is that the members of a chapter become friends. One of the weaknesses of BNI is that the members of a chapter become friends.

Friends don't like to hold friends accountable. However, accountability is the key to any successful referral network; therein lies the paradox. BNI is not a friendship organization. It is a business referral organization. Granted, friendships must develop in order to make BNI work. However, those very same friendships can get in the way of maintaining accountability in a group.

Last year I read a newspaper article about BNI that made me really mad at first. The author started off talking about BNI and the fact that it met every week. He then compared it to a local, independent group that met every other week. The writer talked about BNI having a strict set of rules and then pointed out that attendance was not mandatory in the other group.

He showed how structured BNI was and how flexible the other group was. It seemed like a one-sided view of BNI, until, at the very end, he asked both group leaders how many members they had and how many referrals were being passed on average each month.

It turned out that the BNI group had 25 percent more members (not a big difference), and they were passing 600 percent more referrals. No kidding, 600 percent!

When I read that article, I realized once and for all that BNI is not for everyone. I hoped that the people who read that article and felt that structure and accountability were important would join BNI. And I hoped the people who did not think these factors were important would join the other group.

The importance of accountability and support
I'm not trying to be flippant. Over time, I have learned that BNI is not for everyone. People who understand that structure and accountability are important are the ones I want in BNI. Those who do not are best served in another group.

That said, I believe BNI is not as inflexible as some people may think. Remember, people implement systems. The BNI system, when implemented properly, works well and allows local control as well as a certain amount of flexibility.

BNI is made up of sales people, entrepreneurs, and business leaders. Running an organization with tens of thousands of people fitting this profile is a little like herding cats. It's difficult to keep everyone on track. In order to do so effectively, there have to be systems and accountability.

However, these systems and accountability have to be within a context of help and support. I believe that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. We strive hard to teach our BNI directors to train and educate members to fully understand and implement that. Unfortunately, that takes time. And not everyone understands that these policies need to be applied in a way that shows that the group does have expectations and also cares about the members.

This is important. BNI chapters must create an atmosphere of both accountability and support. It is the paradox of friendship and membership.

I recently received an email from someone who said that BNI was too structured and that if we wanted to do well in the future we needed to be more flexible. Well, for all the things that we may be doing wrong, some way, some how, we have built an organization with over 4,300 groups in 29 countries, with over 86,000 members, speaking more than a dozen languages.

I think we're doing a few things right: we serve a population of the world that believes systems and structure will help them build their business. That might be part of the reason why we passed 4.4 million referrals generating over $1.7 billion dollars worth of business for our members in 2005.

Why accept mediocrity when excellence is an option? Accountability in the context of strong professional relationships can create excellence within a BNI chapter. The paradox of a referral network like BNI is that friendships must develop and accountability must reign. It is a balancing act that rests on the fulcrum of our philosophy, Givers Gain. We must both develop friendships AND expect accountability, which is applied in a way that shows we care about people and their success.

Memory Hooks

A memory hook is a tag line or short sentence that makes your business more memorable. Successful networking includes making it easy for others to remember you when they meet someone who could use your service.

What Makes a Good Memory Hook?

• Use the senses: see it, hear it, feel it.
> > Travel Agent: Come fly away with me

• Evokes the sense of humor, many memory hooks are funny
> >We check your shorts – an electrician
> >Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you, a dentist
> >Bob Howe uses this: know Howe to get your next loan – mortgage lender

• Verse: if you can use your name in the rhyme, even better
> >When cops are in the foyer call Marchese your friendly lawyer

• Parody
> >When you’re in a commotion, who’ya gonna call? Law in motion.
> >Borrowed from a famous WWII general – Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

• Double Reverse
> >A business without a sign is a sign of no business, sign company
> >If your hair is not becoming to you, then you should be coming to me. Hairdresser

Many memory hooks use a combination of techniques. The best memory hook can be used in many contexts-
• Word of mouth setting
• On your business card, letterhead, calendars, giveaway pens
• Print and even broadcast ads Whether it’s mass advertising or face to face, you want people to think of you and you alone, when they hear, see or remember your memory hook.

Credibility & Appearance

Are you credible? Are you sure? Building your Credibility takes work. Everything you do builds or destroys your credibility. It's those little things that you don't even think about that are the most important.

Consider your appearance - What does your appearance say about you?

There was a lady in my network who wanted to meet with attorney's but every time I had the opportunity to see her she was dressed extremely casual, her hair unkempt and no make up. Out of frustration she told me that she could not understand why she could not get an introduction from the members of her network. She ask for my help, so I told her that based on her appearance neither I nor anyone else was going to introduce her to our attorney.

She was shocked. She told me that if she were going to see an attorney that she would get dressed up. How would I know that? How would anyone know that? We had never seen it and we were the people whom she was asking to refer her. She had no credibility with any of us, no matter how good she was at what she did. Now, don't get me wrong, I would have hired her to do work for me personally, because I knew her and liked her, but I was not going to put my reputation at risk!

A few weeks later she came to the meeting dressed in a very professional suit, hair done, and make up on. After a few weeks she got her first referral to a members attorney. From that day forward, she was always dressed credibly. Today she is very successful and well known in her industry.

You see my perception is my reality, right or wrong. What perception are you leaving behind? When people see you do you look like someone they would be willing to stake their reputation on?

What is the Secret?

Everyday I talk to members about BNI, and networking. Many have wonderful success stories to tell me. Members tell me how they have increased their business by 25%, 35%, and 60%. Then I speak to another member who tells me how they have been a member for an entire year and it is just not working for them. They have gotten NO business from their chapter.

I find myself asking why? What makes the real difference between those whom are doing well, and those who are not, here are some of the things I have found.

Education – Those people in life and business, who are extremely successful, never stop learning. They are always trying to find new ways of doing things. They understand that even when they think they know it all, there is always something new to learn and try. They not only learn it, they implement it. They also understand that they are responsible for educating their fellow members as well as being educated during one on one’s.

Time – the highly successful members have a very clear understanding that it takes time and commitment to build trust and understanding with fellow members that will lead to the high level of referrals. They understand that Trust cannot be rushed, and that dollar for dollar the longer they are a member of their chapter, the higher the return on their membership. Most members don’t put in the time that it takes to build those relationships.

Gratitude – don’t forget to thank one another, no matter how many referrals that you get from When was the last time that you got a referral from a fellow member, closed the deal, and the very most you did was drop a “Thank You” slip into the chapter basket? Did you send a little gift? Did you write a note? Remembering to say thank you will inspire members to refer you again. I have a referral partner who always gives me a Starbucks Card when I refer her, even when the deal does not close. I love referring her and always have my ear open for her. Are you fun to refer?

The next time that you think, “My BNI chapter is not working for me” ask yourself,“Is there any other educational opportunities that I can take advantage of? Have I spent enough time developing my relationships? Have I said “Thank You” ?

Are You Receiving Enough Referrals?

In his latest article for Entrepreneur.com, Dr. Misner says that one of the problems people often have when they establish a referral network is that once they feel unsatisfied with their referrals, they blame people in the network for not doing their jobs.

“But the truth,” says Dr. Misner, “is that if your referral network isn’t working the way you expect, it’s your fault. When you find yourself pointing out other people’s problems, it’s time to ask if you’re the reason your network isn’t delivering.”

Dr. Misner instructs that it’s your obligation to teach your fellow networkers how to refer you. If they’re not doing so, then you’re not teaching them effectively. You’re responsible for many of the actions people take on your behalf. It’s up to you to choose the right people, set the tone for your business, educate your referral partners, demonstrate competence and integrity for those representing you and maintain the effectiveness and strength of your referral relationships. If there’s a breakdown in your referral system, you’ve probably overlooked something.

Membership Solicitation Policy

Over the last several weeks, many of you have asked what is the policy regarding the use of e-mails to members for sales. I know we are walking a fine line here in regards to using a tool than some regard as an avenue for additional sales. Unfortunately, it has been an increasing issue and I am posting the official policy in regards to membership solicitation.

MEMBERSHIP SOLICITATION POLICY

Over the last couple of years in BNI there has become an increasing problem with members soliciting members from other chapters, nationally and here in the Southern Arizona Region. This solicitation has taken the form of mass emails, faxes, phone calls, letters, etc. BNI Headquarters is finalizing a new policy concerning this. As of July 15th, 2006 our new policy will be as follows:

“No BNI Member is to use the contact information of other BNI Members for solicitation of any kind."

If a Member feels they have a service, product or event that would benefit other members of BNI they are to contact the Leadership Team via email or phone and speak with the the President or Vice President. Director. The Leadership Team will then decide if this announcement or solicitation qualifies to be sent to all members.
If it is decided that the information is qualified it will be sent via email or regular mail with a cover letter from the leadership team endorsing it.
The BNI Leadership Team will send out regular communications to all members concerning:

BNI Mixers

BNI Events

Business Events in the area that could be of benefit to all members.

Meeting reminders.

BNI/ProActive Workshops, Seminars, etc.

Other information that is deemed of benefit to members.
If a member breaks this policy their membership may be closed with no refund of their membership dues.

Thank you for your understanding.

Larry

Top 10 things NOT to say

Here are the top 10 things NOT to say during your commercial at your BNI meeting (all of these have been heard at a meeting…yes, they have!). You will nod at some, be outraged at others, and that’s okay.

1. “Sorry I haven’t been here…” – no need to draw attention to your absences. They KNOW you’ve missed a meeting. Commit to yourself to have a sub next time so you never feel you have to say this!

2. Religion and Politics – just say No to proselytizing or recruiting. Both subjects are far too heated for most people, and are best left outside the meeting.

3. “I’m too busy to take any referrals this week”… If you say this at a meeting, trust me, you won’t be busy for long! Consider hiring someone or raising your prices!

4. “Set up a Dance Cards with me because I give the best referrals” This doesn’t help me find a referral for you. It does, however, tell me something about your ego.

5. “Um…well…I don’t know what to say…” We all feel that way sometimes, but it doesn’t do much for you. Prepare 5 commercials in advance and keep them with you so you can always be prepared. People refer people who they have confidence will do a good job. If you need help with your commercial, ask for it! From your Leadership Team, another member, your chapter’s Ambassador or Assistant Director are all available to assist you.

6. “Today I want to skip my commercial and tell you about….my kid’s new cat, our vacation, my walk for charity” Whatever it is, just don’t do it. Again, stay focused on the job at hand. As much as we like you, this is inappropriate.

7. “I think we, as a chapter, need to discuss….” There is NEVER a time in a BNI meeting where you open the floor up for group discussions of anything. Talk to the Membership Committee and they will work it through the process.

8. “I’m New to my profession” – If you feel you must talk about how long you’ve been in the business - use the bigger number. In other words, “My office has been here since 2001” or “I’ve been in the computer business for 20 years”. You don’t build trust and confidence by giving the impression you don’t know your job. You do, or you wouldn’t have started out on your own. You bring some experience to whatever you do.

9. “I have to leave early” – Best case is that you never leave before the meeting ends.

10. “I have nothing to say” – Whether you are unprepared or just can’t think of a commercial today, don’t say it. This comes back to being prepared. Spend 15 minutes this week coming up with several commercials you can use when needed.

Referral Time: This is for REFERRALS and TESTIMONIALS. We all know what a referral is, but Testimonials are a bit tricky. A testimonial is saying something about someone else and what a good job they did for you or your referral. It is NOT “I would like to thank Bob for the biggest referral I’ve ever received” because that is saying how good you are. And DO NOT SAY “I don’t have any referrals this week”. This is your last opportunity to shine in front of your sales force, and pointing out that you have no referrals does not do that. It’s okay that you don’t this week, commit to yourself to have them next week. Say something good about how BNI has helped you and your business, say something nice about what a good job someone did for you or your referral, or give a referral. Those are the only acceptable choices. And while it’s tempting to say something nice about the speaker, it gets old and insincere for everyone to say it.

And that ever pesky Time for Announcements: That time of the meeting is for announcing networking events outside of your meeting (Chambers, Trade Shows, etc.) and for other events of that type. It is also NOT the time to ask anyone to pray for anyone else or to tell something you forgot in your commercial (you had your chance for that). You can mention here that you are looking to hire a new receptionist, or that you have a car for sale.